Wow there are just too many things I want to say here, but I think I won't be able to, 'cause I just have too much going on in my head and I know I'm not that good at expressing all that on a piece of paper.. or even technology- like blog, lol. One thing I know for sure, though, is that right now, I am probably the happiest and the saddest person in the world. Yeah, like I'm both happy and sad at the same time. Uh.. actually, I'm more like scared than sad.
I am extremely happy because lately, I've realized that I'm so lucky to have this really great guy as my boyfriend. I get moody and mad.. or sad easily, and sometimes I just don't feel like talking all of a sudden. I sulk a lot, and that's bad; really bad, and I know that. What's good and.. well, kind of weird, is that he wouldn't get emotional and leave me be like that. He would try to cheer me up, and he has this super awesome ability (lol) to always, and I mean ALWAYS be able to make me laugh no matter what. Like, when I cry, he will do or say something, and the next thing I know is I have been laughing for a while.
And that's not all. Every passing day, I find more and more reasons to love him. It's actually funny. I never thought I would love him this much. You know what's even funnier? At first, I thought he wouldn't even like me; I thought it was impossible for someone like him to be attracted to me: a short, absent minded, clumsy, moody, and selfish girl who daydreams and falls asleep a lot in most of her classes.
Gosh, I just lost my train of thought. I got lost in my mind for a while there- seriously, I stopped typing for like 10 minutes just now.
Anyway, I'm glad that this relationship has been really good. I don't know what to say anymore. Like I said, I have problems writing my thoughts down; I have too much going in my head. As I'm typing right now, there are flashbacks playing repeatedly in my mind.
Oh. I haven't mentioned why I am sad, or well, scared. He is going to this private boarding school in Canada as soon as this summer ends. And that is definitely why this summer means so much to me. I just don't want it to end. Ever.
It's not like I don't trust him or anything. I'm scared that all the distance and time apart might turn us into strangers again. I'm scared that we would grow apart and forget every thing that has happened. I mean, what if we won't have time to contact each other? What if... what if... -sigh- I dunno.
I just don't want to lose him. That's all. I know I'm kind of freaking out and all. I also need to stop being so scared of everything. I... need to grow up. I really hope that we can keep all the promises we've made :]
Um, I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna stop typing before I get too sad and cry too much (and yes, I've been crying for a while now. I JUST CRY EASILY, OKAY?).
P.S. I love you Connor
(Haha, isn't this blog post just so cheesy? :P )
You leave me breathless, the way you look at me. You manage to disarm me, my soul is shining through. Can't help but surrender.. my EVERYTHING to you..
Please.. I don't Want This Summer To End.
Sunday, July 19, 2009 ♥
